I've also tried to humanize IBD through various anecdotes about my life or general stories about what Crohn's and colitis patients go through on a daily basis.
Through all of my posts, I've kept an upbeat attitude towards everything my condition has thrown my way. I will continue to do that because I don't want to go into a downward spiral of negative thinking...that's counterproductive.
However, some days you do want to throw up your hands and say, "That's it, I give up." That is a reality of IBD that a lot of people don't really understand.
Let me illustrate how frustrating life can be when dealing with a chronic illness.
Over the past few days, I have been experiencing extreme fatigue. This is the type of fatigue where you can't concentrate, your memory is spotty and you have the urge to do, basically, nothing.
Yesterday, I hit a daunting peak. After eating Sunday dinner with family, I returned home to an overall feeling of bleakness. My body and mind were simply exhausted. The only energy I could muster was enough to reluctantly drag myself to bed where I laid down. I didn't sleep because I wasn't sleepy, just tired...and, there is a significant difference.
While in my bed, I could hear my wife begin preparations for decorating the house for Christmas. She had planned on putting up our Christmas tree yesterday afternoon. I heard my son shout with excitement, "A Christmas tree!" and I couldn't pull myself up to partake in a holiday tradition.
Much like the day of Xavier's first football game experience, I lacked the vitality of a healthy individual.
I'm painting a picture of my condition so awareness is created and we can construct wide-spread exposure to IBD.
My next round of Remicade is a week from today and I've already called my doctor to discuss increasing the frequency of my dosage. I'm focusing on eating the right foods that will help my system, drinking water to circumvent dehydration and trying to take things slow in order to combat my fatigue.
Am I down today? Yeah, I don't feel quite well.
Will I continue to stay down? No, I've got to be proactive in order to be in control of this disease.
We all have our days of sickness and, to me, I get frustrated because I feel like I've lost a day to be productive. I have to take advantage of the good days and, on the bad days, realize that my body is reminding me that I need to take care of myself.
This particular blog is a reminder that I will feel good again. I need to understand that...especially on days when my body and mind tell me otherwise.
"Won't let the light escape from me.Truer words have never been written.
Won't let the darkness swallow me."